Sorry for the absence of blogs, but these past two weeks have been the hardest for me so far in China. It was not one specific thing, but a culmination of everything together. It left me feeling so unhappy and completely lost.
I was struggling with a couple of issues that seemed to intensify over the past two weeks. First was my neck injury. I was in a lot of pain, and was not getting much sleep. I always fail to realize how much this affects how I view things and feel about things going on in my life.
The second was Dustin in these past two weeks has had to do an enormous amount of work. He has worked the past two Saturdays and most nights he would be up close to midnight. All of it is essential for the company, but left our family longing for time together--this has been a struggle for all of us. In addition, we have no one to watch the boys so Dustin and I have had no time just the two of us since we have come here. We have really been missing this here.
Another part was simply getting around here in China. Not the traffic, but just knowing where to go, being able to go (Dustin sometimes needs the car all day), taking the boys with me (not kid friendly here) and even the simplest issue of paying for things (we only have one credit card with no foreign transaction fees and one bank card between us). I also felt like I have not been able to connect with other people here within our community. It seemed that all I had was either very quick interactions with other women, or none at all (i.e.--they either do not speak English, I only see their ayi's with their children, or they are involved in activities that I am unable to participate in because I have no one to watch the boys--such as working out or even going shopping).
So how has God been faithful through this all? Well, he has been the still quiet voice (no not literally) that has once again answered each of these concerns of mine. Although I must say that some of the answers came as a result of some frustrating situations. Here are a few:
On Monday I always go grocery shopping. Tom was set to pick us up at 9:00 and before he came I realized that Dustin was in Beijing with the money card and credit card (the one without foreign transaction fees). I decided to get some cash out of the ATM so I could run my errands. Yet after getting the boys over to the clubhouse, we found out it was not working. I then decided I could use the one in the grocery store once we arrived. Turns out that this one was out of order as well. I would say what luck, but this is the situation that gave us the ammunition to require me getting a card of my own the next day, so I say looking back it was all part of God's plan. I was a little stressed upon leaving the store as I had to buy our essentials with our US credit card (I was dreading the fees we would be charged) and a little upset that I was in Shanghai by myself and did not have any cash or access to our cash. I contacted Dustin and he arranged for me to be able to get my own card the next day. This is a little complicated of a process as in China you cannot have joint accounts, so I could not just get a card on Dustin's account, and we had to work out the details of funding the account (so this involves the financial people at his company), which is what prevented us from getting it before this point. Yet, after a stressful Monday, I now have the issue of the bank card resolved.
Onto the rest of my week:
Wednesday on our walk to the store the children and I came the closest to being killed or seriously injured that we have ever come to while living here. We were in the middle of crossing one of the driveways into the shops (this is a very narrow driveway, made more narrow due to another car that decided it would just park in one half of the driveway) when this car--who clearly saw us in the middle--decided he did not care we were there. (I have come to the decision that they view it like the game of rock paper scissors--they are the rock I am the scissors, so the car trumps the pedestrian--so beware!). The driver continued to accelerate at us to the point that I knew I could not make it forward, so my only choice was to yank Danny (who was walking next to me and the stroller) and Josh in the stroller backwards as hard and as fast I could. After this incident, I was so furious and fed up with the people here that I was close to tears. Thankfully when I decided to go into Starbucks there were two women that I had met the first weeks we were here. Up until this point, I had only ever seen them in passing when one of us was in a hurry to get somewhere, and I was unable to truly connect with them. Due to the fact that I was so upset, I decided to stay and talk for awhile even though before we entered I was in a hurry to get home. By staying and talking, I was able to exchange information (i.e.--contact information) and one of the women actually mentioned that she had some information on an ayi (it has come to the point where we need this sort of assistance--first to help clean as this is a full time job and I feel I would like to raise my children not just clean this crazy house--secondly it will allow Dustin and I to get time alone, even if we are just across the street at the clubhouse getting an ice cream cone together).
As Danny, Josh and I walked home, the two women caught up with us (Danny tends to walk slow sometimes). As we all continued on back to our houses we ran into one of the other girls that I had gotten to know a little more because we go to the park at the same time. At this point a wonderful thing happened. I was invited to dinner with them the next night. The best thing is that they did not plan to leave until 7 so that they could get dinner for their families and get their youngest to sleep before leaving. It was perfect. So in one instant of nearly losing our lives to the traffic issues here, I was reconnected with two women here in my community, given information about a possible ayi and invited to dinner.
Dinner the next night was great. I have not had a moment since we arrived except for the two massages I have gotten here. It was also great to connect with these three moms. They are super kind and fun and care about their children like I do (I think I have mentioned the absent parent syndrome that seems prevalent here). Yet with all the fun, we got home really late, which made Thursday really hard on me. I was sort of blue because listening to them made me realize how trapped I feel here. There are some stores to walk to, but you can only buy so many groceries and the ladies at Starbucks now know my face and what I order (Danny also is quite skilled at rattling off how I like my mocha), but the only place besides these stores that I get out to is the Carrefour--more groceries--and then coming right back.
Thankfully, Dustin was coming out from under all his work, and I was able to sit and talk with him a little. I found that what I needed is to learn the phrase "kan kan". This means just looking. This enables me to let our driver know that I am just looking around and I therefore, feel more relaxed to do so. I am going to just pick different malls/areas to just walk around and explore with the boys, so that I know what is here and what is not here. I have also decided that I will ask my new friends, who obviously have a wealth of information to share, if they can tell me the spots they go to while I take notes (I have a terrible memory), or send me an e-mail of their favorite spots. We also were able to set up some interviews with ayis. We will not be able to get one before June (they will be coming from families that are moving back to their homes in June), but it is nice to know we are working on getting this solved.
Finally, I went to my first physical therapy appointment for my neck, and it is beginning to feel better. The past two nights I have been able to sleep the whole night, which is fantastic. I also began reading a Max Lucado book and in it he talks about waiting. It made me put what we have accomplished into perspective. We have only been here 6 weeks. The women that I have met that know there way around have been here a minimum of two years. This made me feel better in that I will be able to get to that point too, it is just not right now. I must have the patience to wait and the trust in God to realize he has a plan for us, it is just not the one I pictured, or even at times want, but it is one that is good and will be fulfilling and will meet all of our needs and more.
One great example of this is the trip Dustin and I have just begun to plan. We are going to take a mini vacation. It is well overdue, as we have not had one probably in two or more years (at least one absent of any connection to work). We are going to go to the area about two-three hours from here called West Lake. It is a beautiful area and we will spend a couple of days there relaxing and spending time as a family.
I am also looking forward to tomorrow--Mother's day. We are going to spend the day together having a good time. The morning I plan to take a walk with the boys down to Starbucks (you can see I enjoy this place a lot) and then we are going to go to the beach pool (did I mention it is already 90 degrees here). We are going to have lunch at the patio right by the pool and then go home for quick naps before church. It sounds simple, but I am as excited about it as a kid in a toy store.
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