The "Bubble" or the Trap

I mentioned in my blog the other day, that a nice young man described our community as a bubble. When I first heard this comment I took it to describe the fairly nice surroundings we have compared to the starkness and quite frankly the poverty that surrounds our community. We are, I mentioned before, further out in the countryside than within the downtown of the city, and the poverty is more apparant here. However, after the past two days events of exploring two sites within the city, the word bubble is taking on different meanings to me.

After our failed attempt to reach the aquarium on Thursday, we promised Danny we would go on Friday, but to take the subway. Dustin has traveled on the subway before and knows plenty of Chinese to be able to navigate with no problem. We, as usual, with the two boys with us are quite the show for the Chinese people. I believe this is two fold. They love children and they are not used to seeing a lot of foriegners (this is discussed later in this blog). Furthermore, our children have light colored hair, are fair skinned and Josh has bright blue eyes. All stand out quite a bit here.

The train ride down was not so bad, people staring, and talking about us, but nothing too intrusive. We arrived at the aquarium and Dustin went to get the tickets. Within seconds again we were surrounded by a group of elderly chinese people. (In the back of my mind I completley understand our appeal, especially to this generation as for most of their lives, they were shut off to the outside world of foreigners and it was only since they were older (i.e.--the 70s) that they have been able to travel out of the counrty and many westerners have been able to travel in). The problem to me arises first in that these encounters are not always as benign--meaning they try and touch the children's hands, or worse, faces--I have had them try and give food to the kids and I do not mean food you and I would recognize and of course the couple of people who feel they should be able to hold the children. The second issue is that it does not seem to matter where we are, what we are doing, this type of incident is going to happen and continue to happen. Thus, my new meaning of bubble--we could be forced to remain there (as many foreigners do--the families do not venture out, only the husbands for work) like a trap due to the sheer hassle and issues that arise when you leave.

By the time we arrived home yesterday from the aquarium we had been surrounded twice and I had been sworn at once (for saying bu yao--don't want--three times, the last time a little more rudely to a man trying to sell tourist pictures, who by my third bu yao had traveled with us a short distance and was practically holding onto my arm) and been scolded by an older Chinese women, for a fairly long distance mind you, in the subway station (Josh has a habit of taking his shoes off and now also his socks--as this was a warm day I did not fight him on it and let me ride in the stroller with no socks or shoes. Apparently from the harsh scolding and finger crossing I was receiving from the lady she believed I was responsible for great child neglect and possible abuse and that surely in this 65 degree day he was going to die from the fact that his feet were bare).

So my new understanding of the bubble at the end of yesterday was first as we rode the elevator up to our apartment was first and foremost it is an amazing blessing and a safe haven. A place we can be ourselves and not be stared at or acosted. On the other hand, it can also be a trap or jail cell.

As the past two days have made me realize, I have to figure out how to navigate outside this community with the two boys. To feel safe, not bothered and allow my boys to take part in this great culture, but to not feel like zoo animals in the process. This in my mind is not easy and I have been tossing it around in my brain quite a bit since yesterday. I have to say, that when I got home I was angry and upset, and quite frankly even this morning I was in this same mood. I was partly angry because I was having to grieve my complete lack of independence and how limiting this is and is going to be especially in the short run. I believe many expatriate families encounter this and most have made the decision that they are not going to go out with the kids. I have yet to see any foreign kids in the stores. I believe the mothers must either order what they can online and have it delivered, or they go when their kids are in school or when their Ayi is there. (Ayi means Auntie--i.e.--maid--everyone has one here as it is clear from the sheer amount of cleaning that is required--this is a full time job each and every day and there are no Clorox wipes etc here, just the old fashion, not so fast way to clean). You only see foreigners either as large tour groups, or single business men, sometimes with their wives, but always with their translator. There are markedly few people that are navigating the city on their own. In the past two days, we have encountered two people.

So, I believe, after much contemplation, that this morning and yesterday I was feeling victimized by our situation. I felt uncomfortable in these situations that have happened and powerless in the fact they are not going to stop when we do travel out of the community.

However, the good news...my analytical brain does not allow this type of victimized feeling to go on for long and more importantly either does one of my favorite verses from Paul who instructs us "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things." I realize in studying this verse in the context of our situation, and really anyone's situation, that you can dwell on all the things that you do not like or make you uncomfortable, or you can dwell on what is good and work on fixing those things that are in your control. The rest is all up to our view and what our focus is going to be on.

With that being said, I am redeciding (I have a feeling that this will occur many times over this experience, so if you feel like you read this often in this blog, give me grace, as I am only human and tend to lose sight of what I am to be focused on) to focus on the good and the positive. So here goes...

When I first arrived and this first started happening to us, I took them as moments to interact with the local people. This has not changed. They are still wonderful opportunities to interact with the local people. What has become crystal clear is that I must learn to be able to communicate at least as well as Dustin to handle these situations better. If I just had a few sentences, I would easily be able to tell them in a kind way that I prefer, and really the kids prefer that they do not touch them, or to not offer food to them. Furthermore, until I reach this point, we will limit our exploration of the city to just once a week. (This does not include grocery shopping as it is not too intrusive at these locations--mostly just stares and people talking and pointing as we go by or waving). I find that more often than once a week leaves us feeling like zoo animals rather than people the Chinese people are excited to see and meet.

Overall, I am glad we have had this experience these past two days. It has brought new appreciation for our community or "bubble". I will also diligently work to make sure that it remains a safe haven and not a trap for our family.